You might think this will make you stand out as "not one of those guys," and it does. Unfortunately, it makes you into a different kind of guy, one that doesn't get a response to his message. Sure, most people know that women tend to get a lot of messages from men and that some of them are ridiculous.
That fact, however, has nothing to do with you and her, and really nothing to do with her. So why are you asking it? This is kind of a tricky one. In some cases, you can tell a girl that you liked her profile and it will totally work for you. In others, it just makes it sound like she passed a test, and tests aren't fun.
Saying something like, "You have one of the best profiles I've seen! No woman wants to be reminded that they're just another one in a crowd. Similarly, giving a woman "bonus points" if she likes something that you do or can guess something about you based on a hint you placed in your profile makes you seem like you are always testing a lot of women and that they're just another dumb girl you're putting through their fool-proof test.
None of these are good ways to start out with someone you think is attractive. The conversation part is where many people hit a wall. They either send too many messages and the conversation dies off before they get a chance to meet in real life, or they push for a date too soon when one party isn't ready. The best advice for engaging in conversation is to stay positive, ask her specific questions about herself with information you got from her profile, and ask for a date as soon as possible within three messages.
This is why the best openers start with a combination of showing the girl you read her profile and are interested in her and introducing yourself in a way that make the girl feel comfortable. The more words you say, the more likely you're going to say something stupid. Remember, you're going to make mistakes, and that's okay. The important thing is to make sure that you learn from them. The opener is just part of the equation.
If you have a killer opener but your profile looks like a dud, the girl's not going to message you back. If you want women to talk to you, you gotta look like someone worth talking to. I've seen too many disastrous profiles that make guys look undateable. This is something that can happen even to good guys who are "just trying to be themselves" in online dating. Your profile picture is the first thing a girl's going to see when she sees your message, so make it count! It also appears in a lot of places on most dating sites and will definitely be your first impression.
Your profile picture should be a pic of your face, nothing else. If it's blurry, if you're wearing sunglasses or a hat, if the picture is too dark, it's likely going to be a pass for her. Ideally, you'd also be doing something and looking away from the camera but a nice photo will do as well. If you think that this is the perfect time to be holding a dog or a puppy, think again. If you love dogs or have kids, she'll learn about that in your profile. OKCupid had a great blog post about how to find your best face for online dating.
Some of the main takeaways:. For the rest of your photos, you'll want at least one clear body shot and some pictures that give a hint as to who you are and how you spend your time. Do you have hobbies? What do you do with your friends? Don't post too many pictures of you with alcohol or with other women. Those can give the wrong impression. If you're not proud of your body or your face, use the photos as a way to show off your personality and something that you are proud of about yourself.
If women feel like they don't know what you look like or that you're hiding something, they will almost certainly not agree to go out with you. It's also a good idea to test out a couple of profile pictures and rotate them every two weeks or so. What you think is a great photo might not actually be that attractive for the women you're trying to attract.
All pictures should be within the last six months or so, maybe a year.
- How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers.
- There’s more to it than you think;
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- Exactly What To Say In A First Message;
- Dating Online?
- 11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses.
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If you don't have any recent pictures, this is a great time to go do something fun with your friends and have them do a photo shoot with you. Remember that kid in middle school with the weird name that everyone made fun of? Consider this round two. Choose a profile name that talks about your interests or how you define yourself. Putting a little thought into this will go a long way. Avoid anything sexual, cocky, or stupid. Filling out your profile description can be daunting. If you think it's hard, you're not alone. Tons of guys don't know how to talk about themselves or do it in a way that sounds attractive.
Luckily, there are some proven ways to make yourself look good when you're trying to tell strangers who you are. Don't talk about how awkward you feel filling out a profile or say anything like "I don't really know what to say or how this online dating stuff works. That's not how you want to come across, is it? As tempting as it may be, you shouldn't lie about the hard facts. Don't say you don't have kids if you do. Don't say you're a lawyer when you're a paralegal.
Should you end up meeting a woman in person, it will be hard for her to accept the fact you lied to her even if she might have liked you otherwise. Dishonesty is a turn-off. That said, if you occasionally smoke but wouldn't mind giving it up, it's okay to say you don't smoke. You know if you're being deceptive or not. Don't lie about your profession. If you're not proud of the way you made money, instead emphasize where you want to be in a couple of years or what your goals are.
That shows that you're driven and that you have a plan for your life. Women are into that. Be open about your intent. If you actually want to meet someone, don't be shy about saying that. Downplaying your reasons for being online by saying that you don't have time for a relationship will only deter women from engaging with you at all.
This should go without saying, but your profile is not the place to complain about women or past relationships. In fact, it's not the place to complain at all. Talking negatively about women or anything will make you seem negative and unfun, and ultimately uninteresting. Talk about what you do like. A laundry list of what you're not looking for is really unattractive too i.
Talk about what you are looking for instead. Talk about your quirks. If you're not sure what quirks you have, then ask your friends about some of the things they notice you doing. Being unique is how you're going to be able to attract attention in a sea of men. Avoid going into a speech about your likes and dislikes. Imagine you're at a bar and a girl comes up to you and starts listing every single one of her favorite songs.
Instead, think of your interests as potential conversation starters. Just a little bit will do. A longer profile is not necessarily better, and it doesn't have to be perfect. Your words, while helpful, are secondary. Keep your answers short, upbeat, and unique. Meeting up in person is always the best way to get to know someone.
Getting a Date Online
Assume you'll really get to know each other then. Use spell check and proper grammar. Obviously you should still sound like yourself, but you don't want to sound like a dummy or like someone who doesn't care enough to put a good impression of themselves out there. Like in many things, the kind of responses you get from women reflect what you're putting out there.
How to Write Your First Online Dating Message
Did you put time into your profile? Would the kind of woman you want to date be attracted to the person from your profile? Did you put time into your messages? Are you sending messages that the kind of woman you want to date would want to respond to? If you're not having any luck, talk to a close friend female friend if possible and get their input on what you're doing. Be open to their suggestions.
Remember that part of the fun is making mistakes AND learning from them. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. Im 32 yrs old, no game or confidence, however after reading all of this it definately has opened my eyes to a number of don'ts i have used and profile no no's. I feel putting this new information into work i should at least be able to get someone to notice me!
I agree on a lot of tips your shared thanks and I found a website that is filled with girls that you can talk to! Some confidence is required but I went on a few dates with girls I met there. It is called http: I really don't care what you guys think about this out there I'm someone who's 50 years of age and I'm dating a 32 year old who looks like thank you a model and likes me for who I am that's a win-win. I agree on a lot of tips your shared, particularly your advice on sharing funny stories, jokes, and being interesting to a girl because that'll make her laugh, giggle, and give a lot of positive emotions a lot of guys only appear serious and boring.
When talking to a girl online, it's also better not to text her often. Don't resond her right away, because it'll create a sense of mystery and you won't come across as a creep who text her 10 messages every other day. To get a girl out, make your text short and sweet, and take charge of the interaction, by giving her the exact location and time to meet, where you'll guys go, and what you'll do. It'll make her feel comfortable and she'll more likely show up. For free insights, tips on how to make conversation with girls, please visit -- http: I found a website that is filled with girls that you can talk to!
This is really a helpful blog. Based on user experiences though, you can ask a girl out anytime with a 10 minute conversation. Check out my site so your worries of online dating fraud will be out of the way. This work like a charm for me. I live in a small mountain town and I'm pulling women from all over the place.
Here is a tip I have never seen before today. Message ONLY women online now. Here is how to do it and how it works http: Spend a few days asking yourself questions like "If I was a type of cheese what cracker would I best be served on? Buy expensive tickets to events you have no interest in, get dressed up, drive miles to the event, wait around outside in the parking lot for about an hour then go home. Great advice for meeting people online. I think many people are challenged when it comes to creating dialogue.
While I am all for the short term success which can be achieved by negging, it seems like a poor basis for a genuine human connection. One opener that gets their attention that I made up similar to something I heard from Richard La Ruina is, "I have two felonies, three kids from separate women who I never see, herpes, a drug problem and a penchant for drunk fighting. Also I hate puppies and fun.
Dude thank you so much. I've been using the 1st opener a lot and it's been working very well. And it's so much fun trying to figure out what else to say after lmao. But it really has been working like a charm. I already got a girls number and I'm hanging out with her next Sunday and I'm still talkin a bit with a bunch other really attractive girls as well.
Guys, insulting her does not work, maybe for young girls but not a women. The jock one is okay but the shy thing would not get me to respond, then again im 30yrs. It worked perfectly for me I'll say that the first opener definitely works. In a day and a half i've had about 20 beautiful women respond to me. All of either black, hispanic, or mixed race. But my suggestion would be to change the wording a bit. Works better for me. So guys do anything it takes to make yourself more attractive. Get in shape if you're not already. Write a better profile.
It will all help. Women have many guys trying to talk to them. I am interested in movie s, music I am fast cool brave smart I love thin white girls that where short shirts and blond girls. So I've been using these, and you're right, they do get a response more often than not, problem is I seem to be just pissing the girls off:. I reply to guys who are either cute or piss me off? Guess which category you've fallen under? Shame because had you attempted to message me something civil you would have fallen under the first category! You're spot on, but there is a larger issue here that you need to consider when picking up girls online.
The culture around dating from a female perspective can be terrifying. As awesome as that sounds, she'll make for a shitty girlfriend. What you need to do is create a safe environment for any girl online. Don't joke about things like rape or real life violence. These are legitimate concerns in dating culture for women. Similarly, you need to be respectful about any reservations she has. Not giving you her facebook or twiter, though rare for online dating, is not a personal rejection. It can be a simple protection of her privacy until she gets to know you better.
Most importantly, if you get a first date, then don't assume you'll be picking her up.
- First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs!
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- Exactly What To Say In A First Message – The OkCupid Blog;
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Dating someone a woman doesn't know personally takes more preparation than looking good. If you are dealing with a responsible, self-preserving woman, then she will have her own transportation, she'll have given trusted friends her location information for the night, and may have taken other precautions. This sounds like a lot of things for one woman to do before one date, and it is, but it's also both necessary and so normal to women that it shouldn't be obvious on the actual date.
Just be aware, gentlemen, and don't be personally affronted when she turns down the ride home. Your Quick question, why come on here if you're going to ignore all the guys anyway. Gets a response every time almost immediately its awesome but I've taken to it more of a game and at times even lectured a few of the chicks about their choices ha just having fun run care if I get a positive or negative response its all about fun in the game. I googled this out of curiosity, philosopher, nice work!
Couldn't have done better myself You have to pay attention to the profile to decide which opening line to use. Makes it easier to build on their responses. The philosopher has given you some great openers which I have tried myself and had continued success with. Pof has become more of an entertainment thing for me.
How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers | PairedLife
I'd like to go on and on and tell you what to do because I honestly feel sorry for you, quite frankly I don't have the patients to type it all right now. I've used his lines word for word and they work but you have to choose which line to use on who. Take his lines and make them your own as well. Look at what they are in to and research it, google it if you have to, after their response, change the subject and inquire to their interests with an intelligent question or ponder her response for a while and think of what she means by it.
Try to come up with your own lines. Think of what is going on right now. I have 3 options, that's a good take! Be patient, don't respond right away, wait a few hours or even a day. Think of what you are going to say. But urz wz amazing plz give sme mre open up lines n wt to do after getting a strange lines frm her.. Lol i want to use the jock line,but I kinda do already look like the jock type from my pics. I think that would backfire on me haha. Im going to try anyway. You will learn this as you go on, and like I said, that is as far as I can lead you, as, you need to create the building blocks for yourself.
I tried the 1st line opener, and I DID get responses from girls However, all of them seemed negative Hate to admit it but you know what you're doing!! Used the line about ignoring all the guys.. Can you give me a few more good openers that you use because i've rinsed out all of the ones you given out lol. I was on pof and noticed a girl I recently seen on Facebook too. Should I message her on pof or fb? Hey my man, sorry it took so long to reply, but Also, because you "naturally" don't have the skills to converse with her, no matter what you say, the conversation will probably What you can do, is forget about having the perfect words to say, and forget about getting her completely Girls always love to talk, no matter how inconfident you are..
I encourage you to build your conversation skills with anyone.. Hey Poetic Philosophy, there's a girl I really like but i don't know her and i was wondering if you could suggest me a few topics i could talk to her about in order to keep the conversation flowing. It doesn't matter if you are ugly or don't make a lot of money. Girls won't talk to you if you are ugly. Hey I love to talk to girls they are so cute and I love there smile I wish I had a girlfriend. You're cute, it's too bad your one of those shy girls. It was literally seconds at most.
Dude, your openers rock, I've adapted some of them for my own use. It's fun trying to come up with different answers to the "Why are you ignoring all the guys", I'll nail it. Mate, I used a couple of you're most used line and this girl caught me out.
She said at least 3 people have said the same exact line and reckons I was part of some advertising scam haha. Hey PoeticPhilosphy, just wanted to thank you for this article. I was never good at messaging girls online just because I couldn't figure out how to make it interesting. In person, it is much easier for me. But online, even when girls do message back, it just isn't fun, it was always boring cause it just wasn't an interesting conversation.
It got to the point where I myself would stop messaging. Anyway, I literally copy and pasted your first line five minutes ago, and I already got replies. My old self might be begging for more information - Part of me really wants to, but now, I actually like the dance. It's fun trying to figure out what to say or do.
So yeah, thank you, I was literally almost done with online dating just cause it was boring. These lines just made it more interesting. Drizzle, as I said, figure it out. You'll have a lot of mess-ups. The whole point of "Not-getting-attached" as I say in my bar-graph, is to not care if you lose the girl by what you say. A way to solve that "contemplated-stifle" would be. I literally just made that up, and once you go through more and more girls, you will be able to keep convos going like nothing.
Like I said, you have to suck before you get better ;. But what if after I tell the girl, "You're cute, it's too bad you go for the jock type. Hey man, if you could post some of your text conversations or whatever, and go over what your thought process was for every response and what you were trying to accomplish, that would be really helpful thanks man.
I would love to help you, but as I said in the article, that is as far as I can lead you. You know how to open the girl, you must now "learn" how to engage. If I told you step-by-step on what to do, you would just be using a script and when it came to real-life you would be blank, because You used a script and knew nothing and are now in the blue.
Just keep going my man, I provided everything you need in this article. Take a look at the "Graph-bar" where it says don't get attached. You will have to go through 10s, 20s of girls. Also can you also provide me with more of those opener examples in an engaging conversation? Hey it worked she replied.
As in, i was kinda being different at the start but how do i change it from her saying "you don't know me" to having a good convo? I was really stuck on that part.. Thanks for sharing with us this experience. I m going to use POF maybe I will get some fish tonight hehe. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
Getting a Date Online I'm going to help you boost your game and give you proven openers that get women talking to you like nothing else. But you're here for the good stuff, so here we go: Quick question, why come on here if you're going to ignore all the guys anyway. You're cute, it's too bad you go for the jock type. Here's how I do it: How would you know I go for the jock guy, you don't know who I am. Well I have a good eye, I can spot those kinds of girls when I see them. You're cute, it's too bad you're one of those shy girls.
Make her feel an emotion surprised, excited, insulted. Feeling something even if it might be seen as slightly negative is better than feeling nothing. Most guys don't put any effort into their messages. If you do, you'll likely see better results. Suggestive and Confident Openers: Are you busy right now? Because you could be. Do you like muscles? I just went to the store and got some. We could share them. I'm talking about meat, btw. I think we're married now.
This is an eloping platform, right? You are the only woman that exists. Now that I've seen your face I can't remember anything else in my life. I hope I don't have to be at work right now. FYI my profile is fake. If you want, though, you can get to know the model in the photos. Did you know that I run a back rub delivery service?
Give me your number and your address and I'll be there as soon as I can. Did you know how much I love and respect all women? If we go on a date, you'll get to see just how much I respect you. You certainly have quite the hand. We both find each other attractive. Let's just skip the nonsense and get to the inevitable. Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses
I haven't figured out if you're going to be the nicest girl on my naughty list, or the naughtiest girl on my nice list. Very cool profile almost as cool as mine There's so many terrible things going on the world right now that it's hard to know what to do. Do you like making out? So yes I'm fully available as a man to date, but I thought I should also let you know about this lawn-mowing business I have.
Are you trying to work on your golf swing? I don't play, but I'd still like to show you how. Yes, I'm open to being both big and little spoon. No, I don't validate. I'm so manly my beard is growing its own beard. I was thinking the morning after our date, I could make you some over easy eggs and then we could shower together before hopping on a plane to Paris. Any of that sound good to you? Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes. Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use.
Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner. But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring. So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move.
You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness. Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests.
Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one. I know this is not marketing school but, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in. And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by simply asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date.
Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good idea to leave out any religious words in your first message. Religion is always a bit of a minefield in the dating game and you really need to be careful not to offend anyone or risk being offended yourself. Strange how in the world of dating we have always been told that self confidence is extremely attractive, but the opposite holds true with regards to online dating.
Putting yourself down or being a little shy or awkward can come across rather endearing.