I woulda been had read all the parts if I was in your situation, lol. Great great series Tunde. What happened to you happens to everyone on Gods green earth that falls in love. The reality is, sometimes the very ones you love the most can hurt you the worst. It's life and it sucks, but usually it makes us stronger and hopefully we learn valuable lessons from it, as you did. Well this is a good one to pass on to your children and grandchildren as they grow up into young adults. You've probably knowingly, and unknowingly helped out many a man and maybe lady that has went through a similar situation.

Glad to have this series on the site. I mean to be with someone who just doesn't give a darn toot nanny like that.

5 Dating Urban Legends For The Truly Jaded

But I guess we all have to go through that so we learn how we want to be treated in the future. The journey we all must take to find that special one. Some good and bad turns along the way, but when that day comes, it definitely makes it that much more sweeter. In the end I feel sorry for Stacey. It sounds like she never took the time to deal with her past issues and probably passed it on to another good guy. Not only did she have you jaded but probably passed it on as well. I've seen women like this before…..

Women like this don't deserve good men. From her comment about dating frat brothers she probably didn't tell her fiance about you at all or at least until he was already attached. I think she probably knew in the end they wouldn't have lasted if she did. Lol, i was actually thinking the same to myself "This would make a great movie! Very happy that you found yourself someone you love and who loves you back… I love happy ending: Bravo Tunde… I applaud you… Stay true to yourself… I guess maybe one day I will come out of my jadedness when GOD see fit to place a woman in from me that I can truly say makes me happy to my likings… Until then I will enjoy my life hanging out with and raising my daughter… Although I am now over the woman that truly broke my heart, I am just as happy spending a great deal of me time with myself….

After a failed marriage and then a truly loving relationship that went south due to circumstances beyond my control, I have learned to look within and not from the outside… I am almost finish with my book on "Black men and our heartaches Pain" which is truly a rewarding piece of work that I can say really gave me some insight on all of my relationships and of those I have interviewed for my book….

Dedicated to your stories and ideas.

I have to say that i had to re-read the first four parts of the series again just to get the feel of it back, since i'd stopped following last year. This is good writing, i was so into the story that when i eventually finished reading i was surprised to realise that im sitting in my office at work.

Glad it worked out in the end and you eventually found what you were looking for. I had a girlfriend i believed i truly loved and she played me also. After that i had a string of flings and i know i also hurt quite a few women along the way. But now i can safely say i've found true happiness and it was because of those other relationships that i am confident now. I started a new job that I actually like so I've been ghost lately. That said I'm just reading your last installment and I must say, great job! Despite my griping, it was actually worth the wait.

Your email address will not be published. Single Black Male provides dating and relationship advice for today's single looking for love. The Beautiful Black Woman. Glad you found her Tunde. And thanks for sharing your story. As a man…I can actually relate to a lot of your story.

Congrats on your happiness…and clear perspective of the past. SoooOoooOooo messed up, Larry! I respect your journey and am empowered by the story. I didn't understand the AJ part of your response? Whether its due to a problem or just his natural personality really doesnt matter, the end result is it doesnt seem to be the type of relationship your looking for. You mentioned trying to discuss it multiple times with no resolution. I would try one more time and if it doesnt meet your satisfaction then move on to someone that will make you happy.

Op you say you're asking him if he feels the same way about you as you do him and he doesnt respond.


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How exactly are you doing this? Are you asking him if he loves you? Because some people just dont throw those words around after a few months, I'm one of them, in that case you should wait it out a bit.

Most Helpful Girl

And take comfort that when he does finally say it or gives you validation, he actually means it. Its better that way.

5 Dating Urban Legends For The Truly Jaded | Thought Catalog

Would you rather him be insincere to appease you? Just enjoy the moment. Then judge him by his actions. Not all of us like to say how we feel. Most guys or at least me and my friends don't ask about these things you're asking and we assume it for what it is. If he's spending time with you and doing romantic gestures. I guess girls always want to hear it from our mouth or get a definite answer.

The AJ part you can discard, lol. We usually agree to disagree on many things and I'm sure her impression of me is pretty shady and bad at best but I am quite honest when asked directly. Originally Posted by soultree. Sounds like you're dating a Miscer Dis won't end well. Originally Posted by baalhadad. Well Op it seems to me you're a tad insecure. Yes, it would be nice to hear him give you verbal validation and say gushy things, telling you how much he likes you and stuff, but maybe he's just not like that or needs more time to get emotionally comfortable with you.

Take his actions towards you as validation. You seem to have everything going for you, great sex, nice dates, and good convo. Why would you let this petty stuff ruin a potentially good relationship? I repeat, give the man some time. But hey, what do i know since I too have a hard time opening up to people and showing affection, but that doesnt mean i dont like the person.

7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore

Btw, are you guys exclusive? Is it that you want to be bf and gf thats why you're stressing? I guess because I'm open I expect everyone else to be the same way but I've also never really been hurt before so I cannot fully understand his situation. We haven't had the relationship talk yet. Yes it's something I want but I feel like I've put myself out there too much already I'm not going to be the one who brings up this subject. So I guess he could be seeing other girls which also drives me crazy but I'm with him most weekends and when I'm not he lets me know what he's doing, text me before he goes to sleep.

I don't bother with guys like this anymore. Whether the souce of the issue is game playing, bitterness, fear of being hurt, whatever I'm just over it. Loving someone like that fukking hurts. It's addictive and fun for a short while, and you'll get hooked on the intimacy that is occasionally offered Then he's back like nothing happened. One step forward, two steps back. Chit's a boy's game. Dude can either man up and act like an adult or I'm gone. It sounds to me youre overdue for the relationship talk.

If youve been going out for more than 2 months, you should have it as soon as possible. I was giving advice thinking you guys were exclusive already. In regards to who should initiate the talk, i say give him another month to open up to you more and if theres no improvement, you initiate the talk. Never stress over or invest too much in someone youre not exclusive with.

Im usually not the one to say "nice" things first but when the girl does I reciprocate.

Most Helpful Guy

If I were you Id feel really bad after a while and am surprised you havent talked about this yet. Id do that as soon as possible - depending on what he says, move on or give him time. Either way the current state obviously isnt something you enjoy and if this happens so soon into the relationship its not a good sign.


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  8. Personally I wouldnt be with someone who could be cold to me for no reason. Instead of torturing yourself by trying to read his mind and figure out the hidden meaning behind his every action, maybe it's time to reassess whether this situation is making you happy. You can't get him to show more affection or openness than he's ready to show you, and clearly what he's giving you now doesn't meet your needs. Totally understandable, but he doesn't owe you anything and meanwhile you're wasting time and energy on something that doesn't seem to be going anywhere, or at least not at the pace you want.

    Focus on your life and bettering yourself and try not to make him such a huge part of your daily thoughts.